if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
