O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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