How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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