Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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