You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
