im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
love makes seman taste better
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
