how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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