There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
