he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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