i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I smell stomach acid.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
