Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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