I CAN MOONWALK!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
