i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
