my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
