Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
