1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
