The brown eye won't let me do that either.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is my gift to your gina
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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