Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
