someone threw a dead crab at me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
