i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
