I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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