are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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