is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
honey bunches of taint.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
