we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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