I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
now i know why i became what i already was.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
