It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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