Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
