I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
