You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
