first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
