I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
