Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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