i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
