BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
