It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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