you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
