I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
