I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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