He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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