Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
try to milk me bitch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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