We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i think my cat just said my name.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
