It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
