I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
should my penis look like a turkey
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
