I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
