I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
