Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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