Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
