He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
