Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
