Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
